Love is the most important word in any language — and the most confusing word.
I say that love is the most important word because Jesus once said,
I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are My disciples. — John 13:34–35 NLT
Jesus gave the non-Christian world the right to judge whether we are His disciples by the way we love each other. That makes love extremely important. I say that love is the most confusing word because we use it in many different ways. We say, “I love hot dogs. I love pizza. I love my new car. I love the mountains. I love the beach. I love my dog. I love classical music. I love rock.” Then in a romantic setting we say, “I love you.” What is that supposed to mean?
We are going to define love in a cross-cultural friendship. This kind of love begins with an attitude and then expresses itself in our behavior. By attitude, I mean our fixed way of thinking or our mindset. Love chooses to seek the best for a friend. “I want our friendship to enrich your life” is the attitude of love. The opposite of love is selfishness. “I am in this relationship to meet my needs” is the attitude of selfishness. “If you meet my needs, if you make me happy, then I will continue in our relationship. If not, I will move on.”
Friendships will not develop between two selfish people. In true friendships, the attitude of love is essential.
Jesus Modeled How to Love
When we examine Jesus’ lifestyle, we see love demonstrated. Peter said about Jesus,
He went around doing good. — Acts 10:38
He healed the sick, gave sight to the blind, spent time with people from all levels of society. Ultimately, He gave His life, not only for those of His generation but for people of all cultures and all generations. His coming to earth was motivated by love.
For this is how God loved the world: He gave His one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. — John 3:16 NLT
Jesus Himself said,
For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give His life as a ransom for many. — Matthew 20:28 NLT
It is this kind of love that builds friendships and identifies us as His disciples.
The best description of love in the Bible is found in 1 Corinthians 13:4–7.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. — NLT
This is the kind of love that enables us to build cross-cultural friendships.
Love in a cross-cultural friendship begins with an attitude and then expresses itself in behavior.
God actually commands us to love each other as He loves us. Anything God commands, He will enable us to do. Perhaps you are thinking, “I just can’t initiate or be involved in a cross-cultural friendship because my family has historically been the victim of racial injustice or my family has been involved in some capacity of promoting racial injustice.”
The reality is we cannot love as Jesus loved without His help. The apostle Paul reminds us that indeed we have His help.
For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love. — Romans 5:5 NLT
So we are to be channels of expressing God’s love to each other — not by self-effort but simply by opening our hearts to the Holy Spirit so He can fill them with His love.
Excerpted with permission from Life-changing Cross-Cultural Friendships by Gary Chapman, copyright Gary Chapman and Clarence Shuler.
Let us love one another, for love is from God!
Pastor Dale