Notes of Faith February 2, 2025
Safe Place: Face Your Fears
Two Equals One
by Jimmy & Irene Rollins
Longevity requires navigating life’s seasons together.
We as human beings have a universal fear of change, but where does that fear come from? These transitions in life change us, but why do we so readily assume the worst? In our experience this has most often been a result of our differences. Differences in communication style, differences in needs, differences in our upbringings — they can cause tension whenever it seems the rules have changed or another element has been introduced, and now there’s some insecurity.
Often our fears are rational; they come from something we experienced in our past that we don’t want to experience again.
Maybe your parenting styles differ and you’re afraid of causing your children the same trauma you experienced in your childhood. Instead of working together to find balance, you make your spouse the villain and fight each other.
Maybe a change in job was the beginning of the end of your parents’ marriage, and now you don’t want your spouse getting that promotion. Your spouse doesn’t understand the source of your fear, so it just seems like you don’t support their dreams.
Whatever the fear is, love requires us to face it. Only then can we build on our marriage and grow together.
There is a tendency to assume we know best. There’s a sense of security in a “known way” of doing things. No matter how much we love one another, it’s often altogether too tempting to hold on to our way — to being the one who is “right.” The irony is that we have often overanalyzed the other’s methods but never even considered why ours are so important to us. There was a certain group of people in Scripture who held on to their way of doing things without consideration for a new way. Jesus talked directly to them on a number of occasions — they were known as the Pharisees. Jesus told them,
Speaking of blindness: Why do you focus on the speck in your brother’s eye? Why don’t you see the log in your own? — Luke 6:41 The Voice
Love has no fear.
We put our spouse under a magnifying glass, but we’re afraid to look in the mirror. We need to confront our fear and contain it. Before we determine that our spouse’s way of doing things is wrong, we need to evaluate our way: Where does this fear come from? Why is it so important to me to do this my way? Often you will be able to trace your fear to a specific origin. Don’t keep this information to yourself — make your spouse aware of your feelings. This is all part of owning your emotions — it’s something we call “extreme ownership.”
Some may say they don’t want to change or they look at changing as a person as a negative thing, but change is required for positive things such as learning and growing. By definition, we can’t improve if we stay the same.
Remember: Love has no fear. And Scripture tells us that love “rejoices with the truth” (1 Corinthians 13:6). Love also does not judge, and it is not arrogant. Which means that when our spouse expresses their opinion or way of doing things, we don’t assume a position of superiority. Love should compel us to consider their approach and their feelings. What naturally results is a melding or unification of methods. The two become one, stronger through each new transition.
Excerpted with permission from Two Equals One: A Marriage Equation for Love, Laughter, and Longevity by Jimmy and Irene Rollins, copyright Jimmy Rollins and Irene Rollins.
There are many truths and commands in Scripture that are hard to live out in our fallen nature. We are okay with some but others bring out our selfishness and desire for mine, mine, mine, or me, me, me. I have said this before, but I believe that true love requires sacrifice and in many instances much sacrifice. Let us seek to follow God’s Word to the letter and be a great sacrificial lover of others.
Pastor Dale
