Notes of Faith July 13, 2025
Love God. Love others!
It happens every Sunday. I see them walking in. There’s a look. They are new. They don’t know where anything is or whom to ask for help. Their heads are on a swivel, searching. Their quest for the sanctuary, children’s ministry, or bathroom camouflages the more profound spiritual longing to be known and loved, to belong. God made us to long for what he made us to live for — and God-honoring human relationships lie near the heart of his intention for us.
Yet some who attend church gatherings struggle to find believers with relational bandwidth or genuine interest in them. Perhaps the greeter welcomes them, but they hear a similar salutation at Walmart. Similarly, the service’s “turn and say hello” moment fails to meet the relational need that disconnected people crave. It is quite possible to attend and even be involved in a local evangelical church without forming relationships beyond the level of acquaintance.
Jesus said that radical love for one another would distinguish his disciples (John 13:35). The early church shook the world with its countercultural heart of hospitality, especially for the marginalized, orphaned, and abandoned. This ancient DNA is still embedded in the gospel today. So, it should trouble us when the lost and lonely who wander into our gatherings are overlooked.
Mission Field at Our Fingertips
In the gospel of Jesus, we see that God’s heart is welcoming to people — more and more of them, millions upon millions.
Paul makes Christ’s hospitable heart the basis for his exhortation in Romans 15:7: “Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” This Christian welcome is more than just a hello; it includes relational openness and heart-space. This welcome makes room for others, just as Christ made room for us. We were spiritually isolated, bringing nothing to the relationship but our sin. Yet divine hospitality, married to divine grace, made room for us in his family, his heaven, his heart.
Our world desperately needs this Christlike welcome. We live in a society of profound loneliness, and every person who gathers with Christians for worship is longing for an authentic connection with others. Who will open their hearts to them — and so show God’s heart? This is part of the mission of the local church.
Holy Discontentment
A Christian man dear to me once confessed to his wife that he wasn’t interested in more friendships. Why? Those he had were enough for him (although that number could be counted on one hand). I see a similar tendency at work when we gravitate toward the same group of friends each Sunday. Of course, we rightly cherish and cultivate those deep-rooted friendships, but I’m calling for more. I’m urging a holy dissatisfaction that reaches beyond those we already know to welcome the lonely among us.
The lack of hospitality in our wider society means even a little goes a long way these days. For example, my family enjoys surprising guests at our church. If my wife or I meet new people, we often invite them to our house for an upcoming pizza party or lunch after church. Often, they can’t hide their surprise. “Who — us? Already?” We smile. They smile. And we see most of them in our next membership class. Unexpected hospitality signals acceptance.
By default, the responsibility for initiating relationships lies with the existing church. Take it seriously. And along the way, remember that you don’t have to be a spiritual superstar in order to welcome like Christ. If you share your humanity and God’s grace despite your failures, if you lead with your weakness and God’s mercy, your life will be filled with friends.
Practically speaking, this kind of connection, the deep kind disconnected people are hoping for, won’t happen merely at a Sunday gathering. So, try to find creative ways to make room during the week. Consider scheduling events on your calendar that you can easily add more people to, such as your child’s ball game or even your exercise routine. My wife has walked many miles with women she hardly knows. By the time they are done, a budding friendship has formed.
Christlike Curiosity
If you imagine this call for hospitality requires a new church program, you are missing the point. Care for the disconnected and lonely dies in a committee. True welcome flows naturally from congregants’ hearts, softened toward others because God’s heart is (amazingly!) soft toward us.
What might this welcome look like? It resembles Jesus leaning against the well, asking across social and ethnic boundaries, “Who are you, and what are you looking for?” It looks like Jesus stopping at a tree, asking to have a meal with the tax collector perched upon it. It looks like Jesus welcoming Nicodemus at night for a spiritual conversation. We cannot fake it, but we can confess our failures, admit our need, and ask God to open our hearts toward others.
The call to hospitality doesn’t mean every church member must immediately become gregarious. We imitate Christ’s love as a body when each part is working properly. We have different gifts and different stages of life. The young family with young children will likely have less capacity than singles or those with grown children. But all of us can practice this welcoming love and seek to grow in it over time.
After all, the closed heart is missing out. People are fascinating. My role as a pastor introduces me to people from diverse backgrounds and walks of life. I could tell you many stories of captivating people cloaked in apparent ordinariness. Stay curious about others. Have genuine care and love, as Jesus did, and you will draw people, as Jesus did. In some ways, people’s interest in us mirrors our interest in them.
A Word to the New and Disconnected
Let me close with a word to the new and (for now) disconnected. I feel for you. Being new is hard. Even harder is not being new and still feeling disconnected in the church. So, what can new-ish people do in a new church?
Start by managing your expectations. We all feel the tension between how a church should be and how it is. A church should be hospitable and friendly. It sometimes isn’t. Why? Partly because many church members share the same fear and shyness you likely feel. Sure, certain extroverts don’t struggle at all. But most people do. So, rather than measuring a new church by how many people want to be your friend, measure it by the encounters, however few, with genuinely Christlike people you meet. Think quality more than quantity.
The pastors will likely need to ask for your name multiple times, as very few people have perfect recall. You are likely to observe some who are off-putting or who walk right past you (or worse). Why? Because every local church is a community of people in process. When you extend grace to them, it not only shows your solid understanding of the gospel but also displays the very heart posture that welcomes new and meaningful relationships. Grace invites grace, which the new, the old, and the lonely desperately need.
Steve DeWitt is senior pastor of Bethel Church in northwest Indiana
Churches that really want to grow are not only hospitable at their building but everywhere they go and live. This kind of life is infectious and brings those seeking God and a better relationship with Him to each church member and the church gatherings with a new attitude and responsibility on their part to participate in the same way. Be loving and hospitable to everyone as much as is possible that you might reflect the love and glory of God toward all created in His image!
Pastor Dale